My new obsession is the Style Network. I don’t what it is about seeing someone else’s messy house being transformed into a wonder of white gloved domesticity that fascinates me but I can’t get enough of the show, Clean House and it’s host Niecy Nash better known for her role as Raineesha Williams on the Comedy Central hit Reno 911.
And now they — the Style Network mind manipulators — have gotten me hooked on Kimora: Life in Fab Lane (Sundays at 8 p.m. EST), a reality show about the daily life of Kimora Lee Simmons, former model, present day CEO of the urban clothing line, Baby Phat and ex-wife of hip hop mogul, Russell Simmons.
Got all that?
In the real world, I wouldn’t be caught dead in one of her cheap-looking, gaudy creations with their damn cat logo. I’m a Talbots, Ann Taylor and Ann Taylor LOFT gal. (Super clearance sale, of course). Don’t get it twisted. I am no fashionista by any stretch of the imagination but I do have my standards.
So, it’s a real mystery to me as to why am I so addicted to show. Only two episodes have aired thus far but, thanks to reruns, I have seen the show more times than I care to admit even in private.
I swear those root workers at the Style Network have put something in that show that I cannot resist.
Maybe I’m loving all that fabulousity (which happens to be the title of Kimora’s 2006 book). Like Kimora, I am a legend, if only in my own mind.
Also, like Kimora, I could really use a phalanx of people taking care of my every need:
Personal Chef – My home cooked meals are gruel-like one pot wonders that are served in a bowl and are better when eaten with a spoon. I have to say I was shocked and appalled when in the first episode, Kimora asked her chef for waffles to replace the yogurt parfait that wasn’t cutting it and he prepared frozen waffles for Queen of Fabulousity. Ah hell to the naw. My cook, yes I said, my cook, will be making everything from scratch. Now who’s the diva?
Personal Assistant – In this crazy world where everything moves at breakneck speed, everyone can use a personal assistant – someone to keep you on track and to handle the little details, like buying stamps. Yes, I am old school. I still use the US Mail.
Housekeeper – Oh my God. Dust is my nemesis. I fought the dust bunny and the dust bunny won. I’d give my left whatever to have someone to keep my home dust free. And wash my clothes while they are at it. Yes, “they”. Oh, one housekeeper will not due. I’m not sure if I want to be like Kimora and have a legion of women in gray maid’s outfits scurrying to and fro. I don’t like to have so many people underfoot.
Stylist – I need someone to dress me. I have clothes but I’m not quite sure what to do with them. Throw in a hairdresser and a makeup artist and I would swear to God that I’d gone to heaven. With all the people who work on Kimora, she can’t help but to look fabulous. Who has Andre Leon Talley, editor-at-large at Vogue, help you find an outfit for a Vanity Fair party and Jay Alexander, the runway coach from America’s Next Top Model , assist you at a fitting? Puleese. We should all have friends like that.
There is one downside to Kimora’s fabulousity – her home. As palatial as it is, I just wouldn’t, just couldn’t live in New Jersey. The mere thought of residing in the suburbs makes me want to break out the Benedryl. Give me a nice townhouse in NYC, a home in Beverly Hills, and place on a beach in Hawaii. Is that too much for a girl to ask for?
Working for Kimora would be out. A little too much estrogen. James, her senior director of marketing, a bear-sized weeping mass of man would drive me crazy on a good day.
The 30-something Kimora says she likes working around young people and refers to herself as “mother/mama”. Yikes. I have an aversion to bosses who call themselves as “mother” or “father/daddy”. I am grown a** woman. Comprende?
I do adore Kimora in her role as real life mother to daughters, Aoki Lee and Ming Lee. You can tell that they are well-loved, confident children. I liked their comportment during the meeting with Mattel executives about the creation of the KLS Barbie which will be made in the image and likeness of Kimora. Good for Kimora for allowing her children to see their “mogul” mother hard at work doing the darn thing.
And about that meeting. When Kimora insisted that her Barbie not be relegated to the role of a sidekick, and to be made as glamorous as all of the other Barbies, the look on the executives’ faces — who all happened to be white — was priceless.
My favorite part of the show is Kimora’s wonderful sense of humor and joyous spirit. She clearly loves her fab life.
You gotta love a woman who admits to having a “belly” calling it “a major wardrobe malfunction” and who says, there “ain’t nothing no size 2 about me but my ring finger.”
Excuse me, I have to go. I need to…program my television…to see…the show… again.
Move over Lindsay Lo, a sister needs some help.