Not Enough Hours in a Day: Quick Thoughts on Current and Upcoming Reality TV Shows

There’s way too much television out there and not enough hours in the day to write extensively about it all.  But I feel compelled to say something, anything, about a few shows that recently caught my attention:  Ego Trip’s Miss Rap Supreme, Groomer Has It and Peter Perfect.

Ego Trip’s Miss Rap Supreme  (VH1, Mondays 10 p.m.) – Some say hip hop is dead. If this show is any indication, it’s not dead just festering like a cold sore.  Miss Rap Supreme, which has the production values of a low budget porn film, features the “talents” of aspiring female rappers which include a Russian chick from the BK (Brooklyn for the underinformed),  a Jersey Girl, and even a blonde from Germany.  Another contestant was recording artist Khia (Don’t ask me to pronounce her name; I get it wrong every time.) who had a hit with the single, “My Neck,  My Back”  (Yes, the video is equally as nastay.  You need a shot of penicillin after viewing).  She had the dubious distinction of being the first one kicked off. During an elimination challenge, old girl used a previously recorded song instead of penning fresh lyrics, so she got the boot.

Like in all reality competition shows, the contestants have to endure a series of challenges.  Unfortunately for the women of Miss Rap Supreme, speaking proper English isn’t one of them; nor is writing that resume t they will need when applying for that “day job”.  No, this show has these barely talented broads quoting Shakespeare with hip hop swagger under the guidance of noted director John Singleton (Are times that hard son?)

So the real question is: Do these women have lyrical skills comparable to their male counterparts? Sadly, no.  They couldn’t even compete with some of the great female MCs like Queen Latifa.  But I’ll be watching anyway to see which hot ghetto mess wins the dubious honor.

Groomer Has It (Animal Planet, Saturdays 10 p.m.) – Who knew that a channel about animals, both wild and domesticated, could deliver good programming?  Animal Planet has repositioned itself as a bit edgy, yet entertaining, cable channel spinning stories about meerkats, chimps and lemurs that rival any daytime soap or reality television offering. 

Now the great minds at Animal Planet have decided to venture into the reality television competition genre, ala Project Runway, et al — featuring humans no less.  Contestants are professional dog groomers vying for the grand prize of $50,000, a tricked out grooming truck and the title of top groomer. 

When I heard the show’s title, I thought, “What the fluck (not misspelled) is this cheesy mess?”  Much to my surprise, it is not cheesy at all. Groomer Has It  has great production values and interesting and relevant challenges such as creating an edible doggie treat from scratch, grooming a chow, one of the most tempermental breeds, and designing doggie duds.  Groomers are judged on both their grooming skills and ability to handle their clients (dogs and in one instance, a cat).   The larger than life contestants, many of whom are dog groomers to the stars, are not too over the top as to be campy.(Okay, except one who, when kicked off, tearfully quoted a dog groomer/mentor).  Viewers get an inside look at a profession that before they, if like me, thought little about.

Peter Perfect  (Style Network, Saturdays 9 p.m.) – Have you ever walked into a business looking for some service or another and, after seeing the tacky décor, the clutter and nastiness congregating on the tables counters and shelves, walked out?

Peter Ishkhans, a Beverly Hill hairdresser/salon owner by profession, helps struggling small business owners change their retail stores and personal style in an effort to attract customers. In this, the first season, he has worked with a coffee shop, hair salon, and candy shop owners. Peter doesn’t pull any punches when he critiques their logo, signage, interior and personal appearance. His words of wisdom are not always welcome. After some tense moments, Peter tells them that he can help improve their businesses but they first must agree to close shop for 48 hours.

In an effort to get them personally invested in the changes that are to come, Peter hands owners and their assistants, a broom, mop, rag or, in one case, a sledge hammer and commands them do the initial cleaning, tearing down and throwing away.

On the day of the unveiling, owners and assistants arrive in a limo to the crowd of family and friends, show off their new looks, courtesy of Peter and his salon staff, and take a first look at their newly renovated place. 

I simply love this show and others of its kind. Peter is performing a vital service not only for the business owners featured in the show but for current and aspiring entrepreneurs as well. I hope many take note.  I certainly am.

On the horizon:

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List  (Bravo,  Premieres June 12, 9 p.m. )- The Emmy-awarding winning show is entering its fourth season.  Can you believe it?  It seems like yesterday when we were first introduced to the red-haired red carpet menace and her antics.  Personally, I’ve had had enough of Miss Kathy.  Here’s a quick synopsis of how a love so strong went so wrong.  Season 1:  Great   Season 2:  Okay.   Season Three:  Getting bored rapidly with the contrived stunts.   Season 4:  To quote her, she better “deliver like Domino’s” or I will be moving on permanently.

Project Runway – (Bravo, July) – Producers have to squeeze in one season/cycle on Bravo before heading off to the land of maudlin moms, Lifetime.  It will be interesting to see how many follow the show to its new channel in November. 

She’s Got the Look (TV Land, Premieres June 4, 10 p.,m.))- Hosted by former supermodel Kim Alexis and featuring a panel of judges that include model Beverly Johnson and Wilhelmenia Models President Sean Patterson, She’s Got the Look embarks on a “search for the next great 35 and beyond supermodel.”  The winner will receive a “modeling contract with Wilhelmina Models, Inc. and a photo spread in SELF Magazine.”   

Finally, a show about modeling I can get with.  They better get it right or I am going to take an angry computer to their asses.  I mean it.  Now, more than ever, we need to celebrate grand older broads who maintain.  Personally, I will be watching for non-surgical beauty tips to successfully turn back the hands of time.







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