The one thing that I hated about working in corporate America (okay there were many things) was the b.s (bull speak) that was often used. I don’t like it when people piss on my head and tell me it’s raining. It seems that others across the globe also have a problem with corporate linguistic duplicity, a.k.a. gobblygook, as delineated in a recent BBC News Magazine article, “50 Office-Speak Phrases You Love to Hate”.
Here are my five “favorites” from the list:
“idea showers” – Definition: A phrase replacing ‘brainstorm”. According to the article, “brainstorm…might have negative connotations associated with fits.” I think “idea showers” has the negative connotation. It sounds like something R. Kelly would allegedly do or sing about in his next video. Hey, will I need a towel after an “idea shower”? Will it ruin my hair?
“Product Evangelists” – Lord deliver me from “product evangelists”.
“Challenge” – Definition: A word replacing “problems”. Shoot me with a rubber bullet. Shank me with a butter knife. I am so guilty of using this word in conversation when I intend not to offend, which, of course, rarely happens.
“Granularity” – Definition: A word meaning “detail”. Excuse me? Sounds like someone’s trying to create some new SAT words. I’d laugh my ass off if I heard this word used in a meeting, an important one no less. Then, I’d probably be fired…Oh, wait…Shown the door?…No…Kicked the hell out.?…No…”Leaving for Personal Reasons”…Now, that sounds right.
And finally, the best one of the bunch…
“Conversate” – Defintion: To have a conversation. Yes, it was on the list. Who knew that chickenhead speak has now made into the hallowed halls and boardrooms of the corporate world? I certainly didn’t. All I have to say is: What is we to do Lawd about this fluckery?
To check out all 50, click here. And let me know some of your favorites.