I must say I was so looking forward to the hot mess that promised to be Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Altanta Reunion Show which aired Tuesday night. During the season, when it came down the crazay, those broads delivered like Dominos. Only the stock market was wilder. Their brand of madness was the kind of ish, or rather bull-ish, that a reality television- crazed gal like me lives for.
Well, I must say things started out slowly at first. The festivities, which took place in the ballroom of Atlanta’s Biltmore Hotel, featured NeNe, Lisa and Deshawn on one sofa and Sheree and Kim on the other with Bravo’s Vice President of Original Programming, Andy Cohen, in the middle.
Cohen presented the usual questions from viewer emails including one from a viewer that had a very hard time believing Kim was 29. Kim admitted that because of the MAKEUP she wore, she looked at least ten years older. But she insists that she was 29 at the time of the taping and is now 30. And to answer that other burning question on viewers’ nastay minds: No, NeNe is not a stripper. She does admit to stripping for her husband. (NeNe gonna give that old man a heart attack.)
Yawwwn! I know. I know. I will get to the juicy right now:
Kim’s album will be dropping (like a boulder) during the first week of January. And no, it doesn’t have a title yet. I have one for her: When Dogs Cry. NeNe (and every person who has at least 5 percent of his hearing) stands by her statement that Kim can’t sing.
Something happened at one point. I can’t tell you what exactly prompted it, but all I know is that NeNe told Kim to “close her legs to married men.” NeNe also accused Kim telling lies about people. She called Kim a ‘trashy hooker” and said, “If you touch me girl, I will wear that wig off your head.” Peacemaker Lisa held NeNe back. Damn her. There’s nothing I love more than a good wig snatching.
And yes everyone, Kim wears a wig. She gave some lame ass story, complete with a couple of fake crocodile tears, about how a few years ago she suddenly lost 25 lbs. and her hair fell out (probably was running for its life) and some quack doctor friend told her that he was 93 percent sure that she had cancer. Well, as you might suspect, tests were administered and it was found that old Kim didn’t have the big C after all. She wouldn’t tell us what malady caused her weight and hair loss. And she insisted that she had shared this tragic story with NeNe before. NeNe said that it was the first time she’d ever heard about Kim’s illness. Ouch!
Oh, when the conversation came around to who spilled the beans about NeNe’s dis song about Kim’s crappy singing, Kim said that Lisa told her about the song. Now, why did she have to go and do that for?Lisa went off and proceeded to call Kim a “habitual liar’ who “needed medication” and who is “pathetic” and has “no talent’ (I think she hit all of the bases.) Lisa threatened to “flip” Kim over the couch. “I’m the wrong one,” she declared. Oh, by the way, Lisa did tell Sheree about the song who, in turn, told Kim. Ooopsy.
File Under: “If You Care” – Deshawn, the clinched teeth, boring one, is going to get her Masters of Divinity online. Masters? Did the girl ever go to college? Sweet Jesus. God bless her little semi-ignint, misprounciating behind. Yes, the world needs more preachers. NOT!!! And by the way, Sheree is “not quite done” with her divorce from Bob Whitfield and she hoping to launch her clothing line, She by Sheree (should be named “She Devil” by Shitty) in Fall 09. **crickets**.
In a move that I have yet to understand, Bravo brought in Dwight, NeNe’s gay boyfriend, as the honorary 6th housewife. Snap if you care. I did like Miss Dwight telling Kim that her style (mainly that stringy mop of a wig) needed to be brought into the 21st century. “It can be so much more than what it is, ” said Miss Dwight. Preach sistah, preach.
Damn, I’m going to miss those crazay broads. At least I have Keyshia Cole and her hot mess family on BET to help me get through for now. Thanks for the gift ladies. I am so glad that Christmas came early this year.