They Put the F in Friday: Oprah and Kimora Lee Simmons

I’ve decided that there is no hope for me.  I am going to hell — traveling by way of the express lane.  Tell my mama not to cry.  It will be alright.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  Maybe the extreme cold has impaired my judgment.

So, here it is, some Friday night f-ery for your reading pleasure.

Allegedly (I learned this CYA ish from Ms. Kathy Griffin herself), that the Mighty Oprah, according to an ex-lover, did crack — yes, crack — back in the 80s.  He even claims that she did her show high!  Shut up!  Well, with this revelation, Oprah will have yet another distinction — of being the fattest crackhead known to man.

Here’s the down and dirty from that most reputable of news sources, The National Enquirer:

… in his blockbuster sex-and-drug tell-all The Wizard of O: My Life With Oprah, her ex-lover, Chicago businessman Randolph Cook, makes the stunning disclosure that the talk queen resumed her cocaine habit during their secret affair which began in 1984.  Cook, 51, also claims the media mogul taught him how to smoke crack cocaine, and the two “freebased” the drug regularly during their passionate six-month romance and the talk show titan  “was still under the influence while doing her show.”

Cook recently has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer and with only two years to live he blames Oprah for his problems and wants his story told. And court papers back up Cook’s shocking drug allegations about Oprah! (Bolded sentences provided by the Enquirer)   (source)

Damn, dude allegedly has the papers on the Big O.  It’s really no BIG revelation; she did admit to having done drugs in her past.  Somewhere Amy Winehouse is smoking a rock in solidarity.  Sistahs in the pipe.

On to the next bit of Friday f-ery.  Well, it’s not exactly f-ery really.  It seems that fashion mogul and former model Kimora Lee Simmons is preggers with actor Dijmon Honsou’s baby, this according to US Weekly(source) The star of the Style Network reality television series, Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane has two children by her ex-husband, hip hop royalty, Russell Simmons.  That’s it….Wait…I have to say one thing….I am so over colored celebs getting pregnant by their boyfriends as opposed to their husbands.  Kimmie did it right the first time.  Why couldn’t she wait for chocolate dude to give her a ring, walk her down a damn aisle, or take her to the justice of the peace?  This whole getting pregnant mess makes her look so desperate…I said it and I feel so much better because of it.  I guess I am an old fashioned kind of girl who likes to use profanity and drink martinis — nice and dirty, shaken and not stirred.

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