Monday Monotony: ‘Dancing with the Stars’ Announces ‘Celeb’ Line-up (Final Update)

While I am waiting for my brain to start kicking into gear so that I can write a more “substantive” post, I decided to pen a little something about ABC’s Dancing with the Do-Not-Wants….I mean Dancing with the Stars.

Here’s goes a whole lot of nothing.  The word has come from on high announcing the participants in this season’s Dancing with the D-Listers which is set to begin on March 9. (source)

Cue the music please.  Make it a nice funeral dirge.

Steve-O –  Yes, the jackass of Jackass and MTV2’s Wildboyz fame.  My friend saw him on a NJ Path train recently.  He was very hurt that she did not swoon over him and “forced” him to introduce himself to her.  To prove that he was the real deal, he pulled down his pants. (No, I don’t know where I am going with this.  I told you was having problems today.)

Jewel and her husband, rodeo star, Ty Murray – I loved the crooked teefed, warbling songstress back in the day.  But in recent years, it’s been crickets. And I don’t nothing about her man.

Denise Richards – The ex-wife of actor Charlie Sheen is bringing her crazy bitch antics to prime time network television.  Gurl is on the come up.  I thoroughly expect some tripping, kneeing and out and out shanking of fellow contestants.  Mother does not play.

David Alan Grier – Actor/comedian and the man who is responsible for that debacle of a program, Comedy Central’s Chocolate News. What’s wrong David, got turned down for a role in one of Tyler Perry’s chiterling, or rather, chitlin, extravaganzas thinly disguised as cinema or theater?  I guess a brutha’s gotta eat.

Brenda Carlisle – Lead singer of the 80s (or was it 70s?) girl group, The Go-Gos, which have be long gone from any relevancy…I hope you aren’t waiting for me to say something more because there is nothing more to say.

Steve Wozinak – Uber-nerd, co-founder of Apple and former “boyfriend” of comedian Kathy Griffin. I guess starring on Kathy Griffin: Life on the D-List wasn’t enough public humiliation for him. Looks like big boy may have a masochistic streak in him.

Lil Kim – Oh yes, the self-described black Barbie and rapper is going to risk busting an implant or a weave malfunction for the love of the dance.

Oh, how sweet. Lil Kim is kissing her career goodbye?
Oh, how sweet. Lil' Kim is kissing her career goodbye? (photo: HipHopRX)

File the rest of the “cast” under “Who?, What?, Don’t Care”

Olympic Gold Medal gymnast Shawn Johnson, who at 17, is the youngest contestant ever.

Gilles Marini – I think I read something about him being in the Sex and the City movie.

Access Hollywood host Nancy O’Dell

Country singer Chuck Wicks

Former NY Giant Lawrence Taylor

  • yawn*  Is it time for bed yet?

UPDATE

Jewel and Nancy O’Dell are out due to injuries.  Their replacements are Holly Madison, one of Hugh Hef’s hos from E!’s The Girls Next Door, and  The Bachelor reject Melissa R (Didn’t catch the last name.)

UPDATE 2

Belinda Carlisle is go-go gone having the dubious distinction of being the first one eliminated from the competition.

UPDATE 3

Denise Richards is the second one to get the boot.  Why?  It’s not complicated; the beyotch was as stiff as a board on the dance floor.

UPDATE 4

It was double elimination week.  (And I feel thoroughly cleansed as a result.)  Holly (whatever her name is), one of Hugh Hef’s broads, was shown the door.  Not surprising for a woman who does her best work on her back. (You know I had to go there. It would be almost Un-American not to.)  And Steve Wozniak’s chances were short circuited as well (should have issued a “bad pun” alert).

UPDATE 5

Gymnast and elfin teen Shawn Johnson beats (not bests because she wasn’t the best dancer) the smouldering and highly talented Gilles Marini and the equally talented Melissa Rycroft for the coveted mirrorball trophy and the title of winner of Dancing with the Stars. As you can tell from this writing, Mother is NOT pleased.  America and its obsession with the fallacy of untainted youth is becoming quite nausesating. I’m done.

UPDATE 6 (This is it. I mean it this time.)

It only goes to show you that winning ain’t everything.  Melissa Rycroft will work for ABC’s morning news and gabfest ‘Good Morning America’ as a ‘special contributor’. (source: NY Daily News)


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